I just need to talk to y'all about something really quickly.
Baked goods. Actually, let's narrow that down a little more.
Baked goods at the office. Can we talk about that for a couple minutes?
Because, I see you. Yes, you. I see the way your beady eyes light up when we set cookies and brownies on the bookshelf. The international symbol on my team for "please enjoy our sloppy seconds."
I see the way you slink by the treats, trying to decide the exact pace of which one should pass baked goods and successful slip one off platter with no one noticing. Why are you doing that? I can see you straight creeping by. Just take the cupcake. Just.Take.It.
And Ruthie. If nothing else, just confidently take that slice of cake and walk on for Ruthie's sanity. Poor RD, she sits right next to our all-you-can-eat buffet bookshelf. And the things that girl hears."Ooooooh. Is it someone's birthday? Chocolate chip cookies?! I shouldn't!" Then that fellow coworker will look directly at Ruthie for verbal confirmation that she should, in fact, take 5 cookies and be emotionally confident about it. It doesn't matter what tactic Ruthie takes to avoid the ultimately doomed conversation - earbuds in, back towards the bookshelf, hiding under her desk - that coworker will just stare her down.
Staring.
Staring.
Until she replies with "Please take them! You may have as many as you want!"
Then things get real weird. Sometimes we are forced to tell you that you're not too out of shape to enjoy food that's #1 ingredient is sugar, followed closely by Paula Deen's BFF, butter. "Well, look at this. Doughnuts! Oh, I would burst out of my pants if I ate that. I haven't run in 15 years. This is a bad decision." Meanwhile, I know and you know, that you can already taste the glaze. And even my coworker has spoken the actual, dead on, truth - they don't want to believe it. So they stare. Mostly at Ruthie. But sometimes at me or Katie or really any of us over here. "What? You? Your as thin as a willow tree! I bet you could beat me in a race! Eat! Eat!"
Seriously, why do people act so weird around baked goods? Why? Just take the sprinkle topped goodie and go about processing the next Excel document. We did it and so can you.
Does the combination of vanilla and cinnamon make you nervous? Does the idea of a chocolate cake pop make you anxious?
I have no idea. But I'm watching you.
I used to have Ruthie's responsibility--being privileged to sit in that cube--and always wanted to yell at the lingerers, "If you're going to regret it, don't eat it!!" Instead I just encouraged them to because I knew that was what they wanted to hear. I'm a people pleaser.
ReplyDeleteSometimes I won't take things like that simply because I don't like sloppy seconds. It could be a cake that was baked with money and I would turn my nose up. Yeah. I don't get it either.
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