Let's Talk About...

the weather.

No, no. Before you sit there judging me, rolling your eyes and thinking to yourself, "She's going to tell us it's hot. Well, we're all boiling in this heatwave okay?!" It's not about that. It's not about that at all, well maybe a little.

You see, talking about the weather with anyone other than a close friend or family member is painful for me.

I blame Kappa Delta.

Back in late summer of 2001, my 80+ paid-for-and-proud-of-it friends and I were piled into my sorority house's living room going over the rules of Fall Recruitment or Rush or as I like to call it, Ultimate Judgement. We were told beforehand to come back to school with coordinating outfits (jean capri's and wedged flip-flops!) and our best ability to run out of the front door clapping and singing in unison. Oh and to never forget the name of the girl you are grilling the crap out of recruiting.

As far as recruiting goes, you get a certain amount of time with a squeaky-clean freshman sorority hopeful while they visit your house. The allotted time frame during which you get to find out about their life story depends on the number your Recruitment Chair gives you at the beginning of Hell Week, I mean, Best Friend Finder Week. I was a 1 and at Kansas University's Kappa Delta chapter, that means you have the God given gift of talking a lot. Practically, non-stop. See, Mom, I told "talks too much in class" on my report cards wasn't a bad thing. So while other sisters would chat up a wannabe for 5-10 minutes and switch with someone else, I was in our cafeteria for up to 25 minutes with the same girl. Just jabbering away.

But before the buses of 18 year-olds in sundresses pulled up to our house, our Recruitment Chair would constantly yell at us remind us that above all else, "DO NOT TALK ABOUT THE WEATHER!" Because if all you could talk about with a girl was a love of cumulus nimbus clouds, then things were going very, very poorly.

And because, I rushed girls for 3 years this one steadfast and true rule has never left me. Ever. Never ever. Which is why when I am on the elevator with a stranger and the silence is to much for them to bear,  they squeak out an "It's sweltering outside, don't you think? Miserable. I would rather be in the pool." I try desperately to not make my teeth clinching noticeable while I respond back with the mandatory, "Oh, don't I know it. It almost makes me never want to leave my house!"

Awkward and goodbye.

Or when I find myself standing in a long line or simply waiting somewhere for an extended amount of time and the pressure builds for  the person next to me to communicate something. They think, we'll we've been standing next to each other for 4 minutes now, guess we'll be friends and out comes "Have you ever felt heat this intense? I can barely take it." Me, smile and a nod of the head - "My shoes are practically melting on to this pavement." But really I am thinking, "You're never going to make it into Kappa Delta. I won't even see you on the next round."

So while I sit 1 desk away from seven feet tall windows and love to watch the storms roll in, adore Sam Champion and check weather.com weekend forecast several times a day on Friday's; chances are if we aren't buddy-buddy and you ask me about the weather, I won't be standing up to vote for you when recruitment bidding comes around.